In 2025, after 11 years of service, I resigned Ordo Templi Orientis and began to speak out against the patterns of abuse I witnessed while inside. These patterns include: protection of well-connected insiders, limited transparency, surveillance of members’ private lives, punishment of dissent, and gaslighting and defamation of critics.
My purpose is to help those inside recognize these patterns—to understand that this is not a case of a few loose canons, incompetent leaders, or bad decisions. It’s a system set up to erode of self of its members and to punish the telling of truth.
Videos
OTO: Analysis of a High-Control Group: This is the playlist on my YouTube channel containing videos about why I left, why I spoke up, and what happened to me when I did.
Blog Posts
Posts related to my analysis of OTO as a high-control group can be found under the OTO high control group tag. Some noteworthy posts include:
- My formal letter of resignation from OTO: Addressed to the Executive Council Fri, May 23, 2025
- Public announcement of my resignation: Made on Facebook the afternoon I resigned
- Why I Left: Brief overview of patterns that made me resign
- The problem isn’t how you said it. It’s THAT you said it.: OTO tends to tone-police critics—here’s why that matters.
- They (literally) paid to spy on me: How my successor at Horizon paid to spy on me. OTO’s surveillance culture in action.
- They Called It Psychosis: Documenting the smear campaign against me that started the minute I resigned.
- When “Letting Go” Becomes a Weapon: Calling out the pattern of spiritualized gaslighting of dissenters—and why I won’t shut up.
- When the Leaders are the Dangerous Ones: The sheer amount of violence and threats I saw tolerated in OTO in my 11 years was as astonishing as it was unethical. Watch this video next.
- Control, Compliance, and Consequences: My 2019 Encounter with OTO Leadership: A noteworthy example of OTO’s high-control tactics in action.
Spirituality
My decision to leave OTO was not just a moral one; it was also a spiritual one.
Between 2021 and 2025, I underwent a process of spiritual and psychological development—at times gradual, at times punctuated—during which I recovered from trauma and developed a stronger sense of self.
The Arc of Transmission is a free PDF bundle that documents the end-stage of this process, in which I woke up to who I was—and to the fact that I was living in a system designed to suffocate true selfhood.