{"id":2279,"date":"2025-05-28T15:45:00","date_gmt":"2025-05-28T22:45:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lapis-mercurii.org\/lvx\/?p=2279"},"modified":"2026-06-22T15:54:35","modified_gmt":"2026-06-22T22:54:35","slug":"why-i-left-oto-and-what-i-saw","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lapis-mercurii.org\/lvx\/why-i-left-oto-and-what-i-saw\/","title":{"rendered":"Why I Left OTO \u2014And What I Saw"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<div class=\"jetpack-video-wrapper\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Why I Left OTO \u2014And What I Saw\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/y0gxccYR-QE?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/div>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Why I Left OTO &#8211; And What I Saw<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Recorded May 24, 2025.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For over a decade, I was an active member of Ordo Templi Orientis. I served as an officer in my lodge.\u00a0I served as clergy and as a chartered initiator. And eventually I served as Master of my local body.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I helped run initiations, develop officers, and create the kinds of rituals and events that inspire people to stay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But earlier this month, I formally resigned from the Order.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And I want to speak\u2014not to retaliate, not to expose\u2014but to witness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Everything I\u2019m sharing is my own perception, based on contemporaneous records and direct participation. I\u2019m happy to correct any verifiable error.<br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">What this video is\u2014and what it isn\u2019t<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>This isn\u2019t an expos\u00e9. It isn\u2019t a dosier of names. It isn\u2019t a call to action.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This is a record. It\u2019s a mark in the ledger. And it is an account closed with integrity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Why I joined<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>When I came to O.T.O., I came with sincerity and curiosity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I was new to the city. I didn\u2019t know anyone. But I had a background in meditation, ritual, and spiritual practice\u2014and I\u2019d been influenced by Aleister Crowley\u2019s writings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Over time, I earned trust. I trained others. I took on more responsibility. Eventually, I was appointed Master of a thriving local body.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And I carried that role with care. Not as a status symbol. Not as a title to protect\u2014but as a duty to serve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Why I left<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>I didn\u2019t leave because I burned out. I didn\u2019t leave in a moment of anger. I left because I saw patterns I couldn\u2019t justify.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Patterns I tried to address\u2014nearly continuously for almost the entire time I was in the Order.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My experience of trying to address those issues felt like running into an invisible wall\u2014over and over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>From my vantage point, several patterns kept surfacing:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>I often felt emotional pressure and triangulation replaced the clear, principled leadership I expected.<br><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Situations appeared to reward loyalty more than transparency or ethics.<br><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Decisions frequently seemed to be shaped in back\u2011channels, with unofficial preferences edging out written policy.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>What I perceived to be overreach into members\u2019 private lives\u2014their non-OTO projects and even personal relationships\u2014happened more than once in my tenure.<br><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>It was brought to my attention\u2014through multiple first-hand reports I trust\u2014that my words or social media posts were discussed in rooms I wasn\u2019t invited to\u2014a kind of quiet surveillance that replaced open dialogue.<br><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>And in my view, actions I experienced as threatening went unaddressed when they involved well\u2011connected insiders.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Over the years, I took my concerns through every official channel the Order provides.\u202fEach time I spelled them out as calmly and clearly as I could, backing them\u2014to my mind\u2014with ample documentation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The responses I received\u202f\u2014\u202fand, in some instances, the silence that followed\u202f\u2014\u202fspoke volumes to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The deeper truth<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>What I came to realize is this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A spiritual system that protects dysfunction more efficiently than it protects its people is not a path of transformation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It is a culture of containment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And I could no longer participate in that\u2014not without violating my own values.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So I stepped down. And then I left. Not in a storm. Not in a fit of anger. But with clarity. And with the deep conviction that my will, my honesty, and my wholeness matter more than institutional belonging.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">To those who feel the dissonance<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>If you\u2019re watching this and thinking, \u201cYes. That\u2019s what I\u2019ve seen too.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Please know:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You\u2019re not crazy. You\u2019re not alone. And it wasn\u2019t your failure to submit, or serve, or to love, that broke it. It was the system\u2019s failure to be worthy of your integrity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A few months back I published an ebook about the spirituality of OTO called <em>The Adventures of a God<\/em>.\u00a0This morning I removed that ebook from my store. I will no longer make money promoting OTO.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Closing<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>I still believe in the path of true will. I still believe in initiation. I still believe in community grounded in sovereignty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But I no longer believe those things can flourish in a structure that rewards silence, rewards complicity, and quietly punishes those who speak the truth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m done participating in that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Thank you for listening. Thank you for trusting your own clarity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If anyone believes I\u2019ve misstated a fact, please reach out; I\u2019m committed to accuracy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why I Left OTO &#8211; And What I Saw Recorded May 24, 2025. For over a decade, I was an active member of Ordo Templi Orientis. I served as an officer in my lodge.\u00a0I served as clergy and as a chartered initiator. And eventually I served as Master of my local body. I helped run&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[32,506,505,67,66,488,487,2],"class_list":["post-2279","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-aleister-crowley","tag-cult-recovery","tag-cults","tag-ordo-templi-orientis","tag-oto","tag-oto-high-control-group-2","tag-oto-high-control-group","tag-thelema"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lapis-mercurii.org\/lvx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2279","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lapis-mercurii.org\/lvx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lapis-mercurii.org\/lvx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lapis-mercurii.org\/lvx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lapis-mercurii.org\/lvx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2279"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lapis-mercurii.org\/lvx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2279\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2280,"href":"https:\/\/lapis-mercurii.org\/lvx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2279\/revisions\/2280"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lapis-mercurii.org\/lvx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2279"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lapis-mercurii.org\/lvx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2279"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lapis-mercurii.org\/lvx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2279"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}