Since I began speaking publicly about why I left OTO, I’ve seen a familiar tactic surface again and again: the spiritualized justification of abuse.
It doesn’t always look like outright denial. Sometimes it shows up in language that pretends to be enlightened:
“I hope you feel better soon.”
“It must be so painful not to be able to let go.”
“All people are like this—it’s just the human condition.”
In other words: If you’re pointing to harm, you must be spiritually immature.
It’s the same old gaslighting in sacred drag.
There’s often no direct accusation—just the suggestion that you’re not well. That you haven’t reached the spiritual altitude necessary to “transcend” the dynamics you’re describing.
But let’s be very clear: What they’re selling as detachment is just complicity. And what they’re calling spiritual is just cowardice in costume.
Because here’s the real message underneath it all:
“Saying the word ‘no’ is unspiritual.”
And I reject that.
I’ve led spiritual communities. I know what it takes to create safe containers for truth and transformation. And I know this:
Without the ability to say no…
• There’s no difference between ethical and unethical behavior.
• There’s no boundary between me and you.
• There’s no space where authenticity can even exist.
This doesn’t change the more “awake” you become. In fact, the deeper your realization, the more you become accountable to these truths—not the less.
There is no level of awakening that justifies mistreating others. And there is no spiritual insight that cancels our obligation to protect others from harm.
Not from discomfort or consequences—harm. Real harm. From spiritualized self-destruction in service to someone else’s power trip.
So when I see people offering these slick, condescending takes—often cloaked in the language of compassion—I want to say:
1. You are not above it all.
2. You are not beyond the need for ethics.
3. And to anyone who is watching with discernment: you don’t sound wise.
You sound like someone trying to protect the system that hurt them—because you don’t know who you’d be outside of it